like they really don't know...

I might as well continue the old person streak I have going here. Today's topic of concern: old people and farting. How are we supposed to act when an old person farts in public? Old people claim they have no idea when they let one rip--and maybe they really don't know, but come on I find that a little hard to believe. Just because their hearing is bad doesn't mean that they cannot feel an air bubble exiting their anal cavity. So when you are in a store and an old person squeaks out a fart, are you just supposed to pretend it didn't happen? Obviously my first reaction is loss of self control and hysteria to the point where I must leave the area in order to compose myself. Sometimes, in certain situations, you can't laugh at all though, like if the old person is with a non-elderly family member, or if you think the old person might be self-aware that they just farted, or if you are with someone who is too mature to laugh at farts (p.s. those people are lame).

Today I was out shopping and this old lady bent over to look at something. Apparently the pressure was just too much. What I'm getting at here is that she farted; it was very audible, and since I saw her bend over at that moment, it was even funnier. Just as I started to smirk and laugh, the younger woman she was with caught me. I quickly erased the smile off my face in order to help protect the old lady from her own shortcomings. But, do we really need to coddle old people like this and let them lead a life of lies? If you farted in public, wouldn't you want to know so you could laugh too?

If you happen to encounter a self-aware elderly farter, you cannot react at all. Because if you laugh, somehow you become the person who is rude. How do old people manage to turn the table on that one? I mean they initiated the rude act via farting in public. It's like shoving someone out of your way and calling it rude when they fall--yeah it doesn't make sense.

We need to shut this system down. Next time you hear an old person fart in public, I think you should call them out on it. Let them know, since they claim they don't already. Then, next time an old person tries to make a comment about how terrible and rude younger generations are, you can be like "well at least they don't fart in public and try to pretend like they have no idea they did." Or maybe this is just all part of the beauty of being elderly--a life of freedom and never having to hold in a fart again...