Not to bash on old people again, but let's face it, they pretty much ask for it. I think that all establishments should have a designated "elderly person" line--similar to the 15 items or less lane, except it wouldn't really be faster. The thing is old people always have at least one problem when they need to exchange money for goods/services, and so they inevitably hold up all the people waiting behind them.
Just this weekend, I was in line at the Amtrak ticket counter. There were three agents working with customers, all of whom were elderly. The line continued to grow as the old people attempted to work out all of their problems at a molasses speed. I'm not really sure what their problems were; I assume that they were trying to apply every discount card in their wallets to lower the already reduced ticket price, figuring out if it would be possible to be seated next to a doctor who could listen to all of their medical problems, or questioning if the cafe car stocked prunes or raisins--followed by disbelief and anger upon learning neither are available on the train.
As the minutes passed while I stood there waiting for my turn, I wondered why all of these old people couldn't have just one line. We all know that they arrived about 2 hours earlier than their scheduled departure, just to be safe (and probably to ensure they had enough time to cause problems at the ticket booth and figure out ways to get free coffee vouchers).
Perhaps an even more useful venue for "old person only" lines is the grocery store (or at least Shop Rite, the elderly mecca). Maybe if the grocery store created a 65+ line, the old people would feel like it was a special perk, and wouldn't realize that the sole purpose was to speed up check out for everyone else. You see, old people go to the grocery store just to stock up on sale things and put them in the pantry, basement shelving, or ice chest. They have a special network that monitors and informs them of the good sales at all the surrounding grocery stores (see earlier post on the "old person chain"). The only problem is they can't read the fine print because it's just too small, so they always have a problem when it comes time to check out. The grocery store thinks that they are going to dupe the elderly writing "limit 5" or "must buy 2" in fine print, but in fact it is the eldery that will inevitably dupe them. The checkout process for old people is a very special production. Even though these people forget the names of their own grandchildren, they somehow remember exactly how much each item should cost. When something rings up incorrectly, or when they think it has, that's when the problems and line hold ups start. Old people have great strength when this sort of thing happens and usually end up getting their way, simply because it's easier than continuing to argue with them.
The thing is, all old people act like this, so they don't mind when they see someone holding up 17 people because a box of jello rang up 4 cents more than it should have. In fact they support their peers, offer advice and 30 year old stories about the other times the grocery store took their hard earned money.
In conclusion, old people should be restricted to use certain lines. Then, they will only hold up each other (it's not like they work), but also they will have more socialization with their kind, be able to retell old stories to new people, learn where the pasta is on sale for $.88, and band together to wear down the price check kid.
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