the response!!!!

After days of waiting my response from Starbucks is finally here. I'm not going to lie, I was a little (EXTREMELY) disappointed with it. Really, Starbucks? That's all you want to say?


Hello Alessandra,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to us. I am very sorry that your latte was made with regular milk instead of soy.

I want to assure you that I will be following up with the store and its management team in order to ensure that we are making these beverages correctly. Unfortunately, I am unclear at which store this happened. If you could please respond to this email with further information about the store location (such as cross streets), this would help us greatly. Please also feel free to take a look at our store locator at http://www.starbucks.com/retail/find/default.aspx for store information.
What I would like to do, is to invite you back to our stores to have a drink done right. I would be happy to mail you some beverage coupons so that your next drink will be on us.

Thanks again for giving us the opportunity to fix this situation. I am sorry you were caused discomfort during your seminar. I assure you that we take feedback from our customers seriously and will use this as an opportunity to improve the experience for you.

If there are any questions or concerns that I have not been able to address, please don't hesitate to call us at 800 23-LATTE (235-2883), we are here Monday through Friday from 5:00 AM to 6:00 PM (PST).


Thank you,

Natalie Y.

Come on, Natalie Y! Don't you want to address any of my concerns other than "discomfort in my seminar?" I guess I was expecting a response more like this:

Dear Ms. Wood,

First of all that is the greatest letter I've ever received. I'm really sorry that you did not get a soy latte. Sometimes the workers in our stores are a-holes and don't listen to customers, but we still get business anyways!

This situation is way worse than ordering a non-fat latte and ending up with a 1%. Those people are practically complaining for no reason. I can tell by your letter that you are really pretty--it's totally worse for pretty people to fart in public. It's really an unfair standard. Seriously, why can fat people fart any time (or old people for that matter, but that's another topic) but pretty people have to suffer?

If I were you, I probably would've stopped by that Starbucks after class and let all my farts out in their store as I proclaimed "YOU DID THIS TO ME! Breathe it in, bitches!" I, however, understand that you wanted to handle the situation with tact.

In addition to giving you free latte coupons, we are going to try to change the social stigma against farting in public. We have discussed it with headquarters and are beginning the campaign to start a new law called "The Alessandra Law." This law, if passed by congress (make sure you call your congressman to tell him to support it), would allow all lactose intolerant people a sort of "free public fart." Basically, next time you let one slip out in public, you can just call out "Alessandra Law" and it will be illegal for anyone to make fun of you or laugh--if they do, they will get arrested. Of course, we need to make sure that the law isn't abused by people like Artie Lang or 14 year old boys, but we will work that all out because we are Starbucks, and yes we can.

You are so awesome, you should contact us anytime with your ideas.

Thanks,
Starbucks

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what they should have said to me...