That's it. I'm just going to say it. I don't care what the world thinks of me. Wine is STUPID. There, I said it, and I meant it.
People (and by people, let's face it I mean women) are so obsessed with wine. They're all like "Oooo let's drink wine." "I love wine." "Wine is the greatest thing ever." Well, actually, it's not. Wine is not your friend (see earlier post), it pretends to be cool and fun and then cuts you. Drinking a couple of glasses of wine or a whole bottle is usually the worst idea ever.
Wine is like juice but the bad kind that comes in those little plastic barrels with the foil tops (yeah you know those ones that are basically sugar and water). At first you are like "Oh my god this is so delicious, but then after a while it's like, why did I drink that?" Because wine is like juice, you keep having more, and that's usually where the problem comes in. It is especially a problem with middle aged women; they have a special tolerance for wine that, frankly, I just don't have.
The only time you should ever drink too much wine is when you are looking to practice the Not Hollywood Miracle Diet. It's actually really easy you just drink a LOT of wine, have fun, and wake up the next day. Guaranteed to make you loose weight (it also works with beer, FYI). Other than that wine is lame and actually makes you fatter.
From here on out next time someone says "let's drink wine." I will say "No. You drink your stupid wine, and I will drink my Jack Daniels." Because Jack Daniels never made me cry; he is a gentleman.
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