Cheers!

what did wine ever do that we grade it like it's in high school? I have wondered about this point system for some time. Wine doesn't get an A or an A-, it gets a 96 or a 92. I think we all remember how arbitrary those number grades can be. Remember that time in 11th grade when you got a 93 for your class average and you thought "WTF..." Wait wait "wtf" probably wasn't even invented yet, so you really started with: "Dude, this is so not rad, one more point would be an A, one stupid, lousy, little point."

Let's not kid ourselves, wine feels this way too. Do you think that Cabernet is proud of itself for getting an 89 when it was just one point away from an A-? It could've done something slightly different and made a better mark. So then why, why do we grade wine like it's in high school?


Maybe it's not about what is, rather how it treats others. Wine makes people cry, it pressures them to do stupid things, spills all their great secrets, and pretends to be friends with them so they will hang out with it--only to be a backstabber the next day. Wine is basically a high school girl.

Every time you drink wine, you know there is a shitshow lurking in the corner, waiting for you to take that one sip that'll send you over the edge. From this point on let's replace the word wine with "Kellie" and drinking with "hanging out." Perhaps the following will remind you of a conversation you had with your mother in high school:

"Remember the last time you hung out with Kellie. You hung out waaaaaaay too much, and then Kellie made you cry, that always happens, doesn't it? Then Kellie made you call that boy from math class, but he didn't pick up so with Kellie's help you left a 5 minute message. You woke up the next morning and thanks to Kellie you had a massive headache and felt like crap. You have got to stop hanging out with Kellie. Kellie is such a bitch; Kellie doesn't care if you have plans the next day because Kellie always ruins them. This Kellllliiiie doesn't even get high marks, what a bad influence!"

But today, the above statement reminds you of a night with a cheap bottle of wine. And that folks, is why wine is graded like it's in high school. It's so the good kids know to stay away from the ones that get low grades--unless of course they are just looking to get drunk--and spend more time with ones that have better marks (and only convince you to go crazy every once in a while).

Cheers!