sweatpants...

Let me begin by saying I love sweatpants. Sweatpants are excellent. I have my favorite pair that make me feel like I'm wearing clouds. They are roomy and baggy and long enough for me to tuck my feet into the legs and keep warm. As wonderful as sweatpants are, there is a time and a place for them. It seems this fact has been forgotten by many.



I think I need to be very direct here: sweatpants are not ok to wear in public (there are a few exceptions to this: going to the Dr. when you are sick, running to the store because you forgot one thing you needed, going to the gym, and dressing up in costume). Their purpose is for indoor, private wearings only. You might sit there and say, "why can't I wear sweatpants in public?" Oh where to begin...


First, let's look at the origin of sweatpants. See figure1 below. Obviously we can all agree that Nintendo is cool and will always be, and this picture clearly exhibits an air of coolness, right? WRONG. The only thing that makes these kids cool is the awesome floor pad they have for their Nintendo (Did that really exist? If it did, then boy I missed out...) This picture illustrates the era in which sweatpants became popular--I think you can clearly see the difference between that time and today. So unless you are sitting home watching Pauly Shore movies, playing old school Nintendo, using the phrase "...NOT," eating Bugles, and throwing your trash in a metallic Nintendo themed trash can, then you should never wear sweatpants in public.

You might still want to fight me on this, but clearly it is no longer 1991. Unless you are putting your sweatpants on to ride in your time machine set for 1991, do not wear them outside your home. Today, sweatpants conjure negative thoughts (they are no longer associated with Nintendo, and rolls of quarters)--maybe they always did conjure negative thoughts, though. But today there seems to be a crusade fighting to bring sweatpants back into the realm of popular dress. I can't say I understand why...

There are two groups fighting to make sweatpants a legitimate form of dress. You all know what I'm talking about: younger high school/college girls who think they look cute and down to earth. And my personal favorite, the 40-year-old man who just didn't get the memo that men his age wearing sweatpants are either rapists or baggers at the grocery store (just because Vanilla Ice and Marky Mark pulled it off in the 90s does not mean it's still hot, sir). Basically this guy:

It's easy to understand why men shouldn't wear sweats, but the ladies are convinced that it's ok if they wear them. Perhaps rather than explain why I feel sweatpants also shouldn't be worn in public by women, another visual aid can be of use.

Ladies and gentlemen, my case in point. One day I will go up to a girl wearing sweats in public, show her this picture, grab her by the shoulders and shake her and scream, "This is what it looks like when you wear sweatpants. You don't look cute, you look dirty and gross."

So next time you think about going to class dressed in sweats, think again because I might be lurking in the corner waiting to shake some sense in you.