White Trash 101

Here is a little story I like to call my summer. It began as a glourious journey--I lived in an early 20th century farmhouse, surrounded by acres of green pastuers, sheep, and Filipe the groundhog. I lived on the grounds of, perhaps, one of the greatest American country estates ever. Joe Biden lived down the road, and visited the gardens on "my" estate whenever he was in town.

Life was pretty good. I was in love with Delaware. Just thinking about Delaware made me giddy and excited, like all new relationships, I wondered, "how did I get so lucky?" But alas, life slapped me hard across the face and shook me until I realized what Delaware was really all about...My bubble burst as I moved to my new apartment.

Now before you get too angry or offended, this is not going to be a bash on Delaware (I do enjoy it here); this is going to be a bash on white trash people. This area has an incredibly large population of white trash people. Joe Biden, much like Giuliani did with the homeless, must have shuffled all of the white trash out of his town. To think, I thought the whole state was full of high-brow, educated people...THANKS FOR DECEIVING ME JOE BIDEN.

I remember once in college I attempted to explain "white trash" to my Spanish teacher from Madrid, but I just don't think Marisol understood that mullets were not actually chic, hip, or cool...I guess it went over her head.

If you are unsure as to whether you are surrounded by white trash (or maybe you are questioning your own lifestyle), read the following list. Much like an I-9 form, sometimes you only need one item from LIST A to prove that you are white trash, other times you need an item from LIST B and LIST C, and well if you have multiple items from multiple lists, you can say without a doubt you are white trash.If you posses one item from LIST B or C, you better watch your step, because you are dangerously treading white trash territory. If you can put a check mark next to one thing from LIST A or one thing from LIST B and one thing from LIST C, you are a lost cause. You might as well start saying "well, shoot i'ma go get me a deer baby for dinner" (as if you don't already); but before you get on the ATV, knock up a 16 year old and name your baby Cabella Marlboro.