Frozen Specialties: a pube in the freezer

I've been doing a lot of moving lately. When I moved into my newest place, the first thing I did was place some frozen food (thanks mom!) in the freezer. To my surprise the freezer was not empty, as I had expected. It had one thing left in it from the previous tenant: a pubic hair. The image was not unlike a surrealist painting: a stark white background with one small, curly, black line just left of the center. Jasper Johns would have probably painted a still life of the scene entitled Lone Pube in the Freezer.



I find this incident rather mind boggling, and I still question how it happened. How did a pube end up in the freezer? I'm not sure I'll ever know the answer to that question, but this incident brings up a great point: pubic hair appears to have a magical quality that allows it to travel great distances on its own, defy gravity, and zap itself into the most random places (i.e. the freezer).



Stop and think about this fact for one moment and you will probably recall countless times when you asked yourself, "how did that pube get there?" How did that pube end up on your keyboard, on your dashboard, on the seat next to you on the train, on the ceiling of a taxi cab? Seriously though, how did it? I am currently waiting to hear the results of the grant funded series of experiments entitled "Rogue Pubic Hair: The Study of Movement Among Pubic Hairs" to get the answers to these questions. I believe Albert Einstein began research on this topic, but was forced to put it on the back burner as he developed "more important research" (come on government, what is more important than discovering how and why pubes are everywhere?). In the remainder of this post, I will explain the two competing hypotheses for the curious movements of pubic hair. Remember these are just scientific guesses that still need to be tested.



1. Perhaps all pubes have a magnetic charge. Like a game of Wooly Willy, those tiny little hairs follow the magnetic force wherever it may be. The magnetic power allows them to climb walls and travel distances. Maybe if we never picked up a stray pube after a few years, the refrigerator would be covered with them, just maybe. Scientists are testing this theory by placing magnets on various bathroom floors.



2. A more likely explanation, though, for the curious movement of pubes has to do with fairies. Each night, a team of fairies (they are small creatures so it takes a pair to lift each pube) finds stray pubes and hides them throughout one's living or work space. Fairies like to play games. They also love Where's Waldo (a little known fact). Scientists believe this is how fairies play with people; they believe the fairies call the game Peculiarly Placed Pube and see how long it takes people to find the pubes (This hypothesis comes from the discovery of a new Rosetta Stone like legend depicting tiny fairies placing short, thin strings on computers, carpets, desks, and in cars--though researchers are unaware as to the origins of what they call "The Pube Pictures." ).


I understand this may be difficult to believe, but these are theories presented by scientists, and until scientific testing yields results voiding these theories, how else might you explain a pube in the freezer?